Lindiwe Lewis, founder of The Allergy Table (now Behind the Allergy,) shares a hack for keeping food allergy boundaries in place, so you’re never caught of guard in the heat of the moment. We love Lindiwe’s raw honesty about some of the hard she faces and how she overcomes it as she lives her best life with multiple, severe food allergies. Thank you Lindiwe for sharing you with us and inspiring us to dream, do, and never let food allergies be an obstacle to happiness.
After three decades of navigating multiple food allergies, I still find myself questioning my advocacy. In moments of reflection, I think about “how I can truly be an effective advocate?”
I carry two auto-injectors, an inhaler, and antihistamines. Yet, I don’t insulate my auto-injectors or wear medical alert jewelry. When I fly, I prefer to board last, avoiding the pre-boarding privilege. It’s a small act that soothes my anxiety, allowing me a moment to clean my seat before takeoff. I do not stay up to date with the latest scientific advancements, and I rely on traditional methods, like oral food challenges and strict avoidance, to manage my allergies.
It’s essential to recognize that there is no flawless way to manage food allergies; not everyone is “getting it right” all the time.
But what does “getting it right” even mean?
The Why Behind Boundaries for Food Allergies
One thing I strive to get right is establishing boundaries that safeguard my well-being and help keep my anxiety at bay.
Who could have predicted that I’d feel nostalgic for the days of quarantine during the pandemic? The mask-wearing, the social distancing, the endless hand sanitizing — those were moments of comfort and control for someone like me.
When did we start shaking hands again? And kissing strangers on the cheek again?
The more events I go to recently I am having to avoid the constant physical contact from strangers whilst maintaining a polite attitude.
“No. No thank you. I don’t want to shake your hand. Please don’t touch me.”
This doesn’t always go over very well. I feel a wave of discomfort wash over me. Can we establish a collective understanding to forgo these gestures with unfamiliar faces? I’m working on setting those boundaries, though it can be quite awkward when someone swoops in for a peck.
For those of us living with food allergies, boundaries are crucial; without them, we risk finding ourselves in compromising situations, life threatening ones.
And The How…
One of the most effective strategies I’ve discovered for maintaining my boundaries is to craft a script.
In many situations, I often freeze, unsure of what to say. My confidence evaporates, and panic takes over. Fight or flight. This is why I’ve begun to write down responses for the scenarios I’m most likely to encounter. While I used to concoct them in my head, they would often slip away in the heat of the moment, leaving me at a loss.
Writing them down has proven invaluable. My mother taught me this technique when I was a child to help me deal with peer pressure — we role-played various situations, allowing me to prepare and respond confidently.
For example, one of my boundaries is that I will not do something or eat something if it doesn’t feel right, no matter how pressured I feel to give in, or to please.
Here’s an example of one of my scripts based on a comment I have gotten many times from the same person:
Them: “ I made it for you and now you don’t want to eat it. Don’t you trust me?!”
Me: “I appreciate your effort so much. My allergy fears come when I’m least expecting them, but I have to trust my intuition. I don’t feel comfortable at this moment. I hope you can see that it isn’t personal, but I won’t eat something if I don’t feel it is right.”
When I write down a script for a question I get all the time – I am able to respond in the moment, in the right way because I am prepared. It helps me maintain my boundaries and feel confident going into somewhat fluid situations.
It is hard to see why people make such comments from our position, but I do understand. I probably have said comments like these to other people who face different circumstances because I did not know what to say or how to ask the right questions. We are constantly having to educate, inform, advocate. Even though sometimes we just want a break, we need to come at this with kindness and compassion…
…on both sides.
Setting boundaries, writing scripts for them, and using your voice, will help you feel calmer, more confident when managing your conditions. But please remember, we cannot be prepared for everything.
What kind of awkward allergy situations do you encounter on constant replay?
Have you ever tried memorising a script?
Meet my podcast, ‘Behind the Allergy.’ Launched in 2024, this podcast delves into the world of people with allergic conditions. The show features open and honest conversations with individuals, brands, and allergists, going beyond the diagnosis and shining a light on the people behind their conditions. You can give it a listen on Apple, Spotify, and YouTube. Subscribe to our monthly newsletter here if you like!
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Food allergy advocate & storyteller Lindiwe Lewis brings our community together with ‘Behind the Allergy,’ exploring who we are behind the allergy. |
| About the Author: Lindiwe Lewis is a food allergy advocate and a storyteller with a passion for community, fitness, writing, performing, pancakes, and friends. She founded The Allergy Table (now Behind the Allergy,) to bring together others from the community so we all feel less alone. Offering reviews of restaurants, brands, cities, recipes, and personal stories from reactors with allergic conditions, she shares relatable content on her platforms, finding positivity in allergic conditions. She explores who we are behind the allergy in her new podcast ‘Behind the Allergy.‘ Give it a listen! | |
Image: Courtesy of Behind the Allergy